Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy

Sometimes the thoughts in my head truly scare me. The other night I was watching Celebrity Rehab, and they were talking about people who use drugs to medicate themselves. It was scary where my mind went after that. My family on both sides have very addictive personalities. Some are addicted to food, others to drugs, and even others to making bad decisions. Then I thought about all the pain that I've been dealing with lately. My back is constantly in pain no matter what I've done that day. I considered how easy it would be to get ahold of drugs on my college campus and try to numb the pain I've been fighting. This almost literally broke my heart. I couldn't imagine how far I'd fallen to even consider such a terrible thing. I'd completely ruin the amazing life I enjoy right now if I even tried to medicate myself. I'm not sure how to make it up to myself that I even considered doing such a terrible thing to my body. But I have to come up with a way soon, because I feel so guilty about it.