Thursday, April 28, 2011

The pros and cons of falling in like

I've been having a mental debate lately. I like this guy (new topic, right!?). And he's so sweet and so good to me, but I'm not sure how I feel about him. And there's another guy who I have absolutely no business being with, yet for some reason I can't get him out of my head. Then my friend told me about the 80/20 principle. Basically this states that you have a main person, who gives you 80% of everything you need. Then there's another person who gives you the 20% that the first person can't give you. People are then attracted to the 20% because it is what they are missing from the person who gives them 80%. I hope that made sense. Tye Dye is my 80, but Long-boarder is my 20. I'm getting way more from Tye Dye and thus this should be a no brainer. I'm not even sure that he can't give me more than 80%. If I really like this guy, and if he's so good for me, why is my brain putting up roadblocks? Is it something that I need to get over? Do I just need to take a leap? Or am I just trying to sabotage myself?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Living with not dying from disease

It's probably completely unproductive, but I sometimes think about what my life would be like if I was never told I was dying. If I went to an actually competent dermatologist, I never would have heard it. I'm struggling at the moment because I'm really starting to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. At a certain point I didn't even think I'd make it to college. But I'm here and I'm mostly healthy. However, the what-ifs and questions still haunt me.

What if I had never heard I was dying?
Would I be better prepared for my future?
Would I be able to better function in relationships?
Would I still be the same person?
What if I didn't graduate?
What if I had dropped out of school because I was so sure I was dying?
What if I had made all the bad decisions that were presented to me my freshman year in high school?
Would I have gone down the same path as my one time sort of boyfriend?
Could I be in jail right now for the decisions I had made?
Would I appreciate my life as much as I do if I didn't think I could lose it?
Would I love as hard as I do?
Would I take as many risks?
Would I say the vast amount of stupid things that I do?
Would I still have my semi-black sense of humor?
Would life just be easier?

I know that all this isn't exactly helpful, but sometimes it creeps into my brain that everything might be so much better if my doctor had never lied to me.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Boys boys boys

It's a little funny. My brand new friend-wife was giving me crap earlier today and last night because she says I have a lot of luck picking up guys. The funny thing is that I can't get any follow up. I danced with this guy at a bar last night and he asked for my number, I haven't heard from him yet, and I truly doubt that I will. And there's this guy that was in the opera, and he even admitted to flirting with me, yet I've heard no more from him. The closest equivalent I can come up with is that if I were a gator hunter, they are on my line, and I just can't get the kill shot to their head. Admittedly I don't want to kill them obviously, but I feel as though this is a good image. I have an interest in them, I make this completely obvious, and still I get nothing. I can get them on the hook and even reel them in, but I can never get them from the hook into the boat. Oh well, I guess someone will climb into the boat sometime.