A fresh coat of paint, and a new outlook

About a month ago, my cousin Foe moved out of my parent's house. For a little background, he's been living with us since we were 11(and if you recall I just turned 20). Like the ungrateful jerk he is, he moved out while both of my parents were at work and didn't tell them or my brother about his plans. Above anything he did to my parents, he really betrayed my older brother. When everyone else, including me, gave up on my cousin my brother was always there for him and always loved him. A mutal friend of the three of us had to tell my brother that Foe had moved out. He just really hurt every member of my family with his actions. My mom called me later that week and told me what had happened. I could hear in her voice how hurt she was and that she felt like a failure. It really hurt me because I was away at school and couldn't do anything to help anyone from 200 miles away. However, when I came home for spring break this week I had an epiphany. I saw how depressing his old room looked, and that just brought down the mood of my home because his doorway is at the end of the hallway. I decided that the room needed new paint. I spent three full days of my vacation repainting his old room. The room looks completely different now, and it makes me feel great that something so simple could change the feeling of my home. My mom really loves the look of the room now, and we're planning on turning the room into a spare bedroom/craft room for my mom. Mom doesn't want to make too many changes until we're sure that Foe can make it on his own. But honestly, I don't ever want him to come back. He treated my family like crap, and he was never grateful for all the chances that my parents gave him. I guess, in a way, repainting the room was good for me too. I closed a very painful part of my life, and now I feel like I'm free to move on. Foe, I know you'll never read this but don't come back, we're so much better off without you. Good luck with your new life, I guess.

The beauty of being who you are

I will turn 20 at the end of this week. It seems like society at large is telling me, "Grow up! You're not a teenager anymore and you need to act like an adult now!" But I think that's crap. I'm actually planning an ambush attack on a friend of mine with squirt guns on my actual birthday. I love that I have friends in my life who accept me exactly the way that I am. There are people in my life who love that I am silly, spontaneous and that I can act like a twelve year old and turn around and have an incredibly philosophical conversation with them. At the same time, I know that people judge me by my actions and say that I'm immature or that there's no future for me unless I change. To that, I again say that's crap. Life is so short, why shouldn't I enjoy it in exactly the way that I want to? If I want to attack a friend with squirt guns then that's my decision. And if I want to go sledding and make snow angels until I can't feel my feet anymore it shouldn't effect you in any way. So come friday when I turn 20 I'm going to be no different than I have been. I plan on having fun, and enjoying my life exactly as it was meant to be enjoyed. I've been given a gift, hell, you've been given a gift. Love every minute of your life, because this is the only one you get. Don't ever let anyone hold you back from the simple happiness that you deserve because 'you're too old to act like that'. Be happy, be immature, have fun, love life.

An unfortunate success story

I'm kind of ashamed to admit this. Earlier today I just wasn't having a good day. I felt gross about myself, and I needed to fix this problem. So, in order to make myself feel better I sent a text to a guy I haven't spoken to in awhile, but that I know likes me. I feel bad about this because I'm not completely sure that I care about him in the same way. I only text him because I knew he would tell me that I'm pretty and make me feel better. I even got exactly what I wanted, he made me feel better about myself and kinda fixed my day. Unfortunately, I successfully used another human being. I never wanted to be the kind of person who used someone else for what they could do for me, but it seems that that's exactly the kind of person I am. I hope that in the coming days and months I can prove to myself that I only did this in a moment of weakness, and this is not the type of person I'm turning into.