And plans change

It's kind of amazing how one single day can totally change your plans for the future. Tye Dye and I had talked about it and we decided that we wanted to move in together after I graduate college and get back hopefully from a summer theatre job. However, I found out last Saturday that our plans have been completely thwarted. His parents, who are very conservative religiously, do not want us to live together until we are married. Part of the plan was I was also going to help him pay for school so he wouldn't have to worry so much about finances. But since we won't be living together, I can't afford to help him, or to stay in Flagstaff. It appears that I will either be getting a summer job in another state or moving back in with my parents. Either one puts me far away from him. I'm way not ready to get married right now, but I did want to live with him and be a couple. And no matter where I end up I'm going to miss him. I wanted to stay for love, but now I am forced to leave for money. And to top it all off, I've already gotten two rejections. So I can't stay for love, and no one will take me so I can go for money. I guess I'm literally stuck.

Something I haven't even told anyone in my real life

When I got the excellent news that I'm epilepsy free, I also got very scary news: I could have a small brain tumor. My doctor said not to worry about it, and I was doing pretty good about it until I figured out that my health insurance wouldn't cover the higher resolution mri so we could make sure. Now I'm terrified. I've always believed in a kind of poetic justice, but there's nothing poetic about losing an aunt to brain cancer and finding out you might have a brain tumor within the same year. I'm readily finding out that life isn't fair. Not in the 'everybody should have everything anyone else has' kind of way, but in the 'the same people get constantly shit on kind of way'. I can't remember the last time I felt like I had a good future ahead of me, and this certainly isn't helping. But what I really realized last night is that it's not the possibility of a brain tumor that bothers me, it's what that could mean for my relationship. I love my boyfriend more than anything, we've talked about getting married and having kids and I can't wait to do all those things with him. But I watched my aunt's brain cancer not only take away her body from her, but also her husband. They grew so far apart that he even rented a house for the last few years of her life. He did not want to be married to her anymore. I'm not scared so much of what this could do to my body, I'm afraid of what this could do to my love. I never want to lose him, but I'm not sure what will happen in the long run if this ends up being as bad as it could be.