The Power of Positive Thinking

Until very recently I had never given much thought to thinking positively. If you know me in my current life you would probably think of me as a happy and positive person. This has not always been the case. Around six years ago I was a very sad person and I hated many of the facets of my life. Eventually I was able to overcome the depression that I originally experienced with my diagnosis. But I still didn't think that I was going to get any better. I still had that cynical little voice in the back of my head that said I ws never going to look any better, and that my condition was never going to get any better. I'm not even sure what finally busted me out of this funk, but I started improving. I finally started to believe that my medicines were going to help me. I believed that my shots where going to help me. My skin has gotten so much lighter, my spots are less hard, and I've retained the motion that I still have. I've even started to think positively about the condition of my left hand. People have told me that they hardly noticed it until I myself have mentioned it. It's a good feeling that I'm in less pain and that I look better, but I didn't realize why all of this had happened until earlier last week. In my Health, Healing, and Religions class we've been talking about the placebo effect. Studies have shown that patients have had marked improvement simply by believing that they will get better when given a sugar pill. Maybe the human mind is exactly as powerful as hippies have always said it is. Perhaps it was the power of positive thoughts that have made me better. Maybe it was the power of God. Who knows?

Yet another blog on fear

It's amazing isn't it? It can be completely paralyzing, and it can be freeing. It can lead us to do great things, and our lowest lows. I had a moment of such fear just last night that still has me slightly shook up. A friend of mine called me and told me that she was near my apartment and her friend was having an epilepsy attack. I ran down the stairs and out to her and her friend who were sitting on a curb in the parking lot. We tried to help her up and talk to her to pass the time. At first you could hardly tell anything was wrong, she was really responsive and was telling stories with my friend. But as the night wore on, she couldn't remember where we were, who my friend was, or even recognize herself in a picture. It took us two hours to get her back into her room, and even then she had no idea where she was and didn't readily feel safe there. I can't even begin to fathom how scared she must have been, having people tell her that she lives here but not knowing it for herself. By the time I got home my nerves were so completely shot, that I just sat on my bed and frantically cried. I couldn't control myself, then my roommate came into my room beyond freaked out and tried to figure out what was wrong. I didn't even have any words, I just had tears. I was afraid because I had so little idea of what to do, I was afraid for her right now, and because I was afraid for her in the future. I hadn't even met her until last night, but I was still so scared for her. It says something about the human spirit that we are able to keep it together as long as we need to, and then completely fall apart. At least I can find comfort in that.

Lonely No More

It seems like all this summer I was bound by some unseen force to my house so that I could do nothing but be lonely all day. But now that I'm back at school, that feeling is completely gone. I had plans almost every night this week to the point that I forced myself to take a night off to get some work done. Between classes, friends, homework, and shop hours I'm keeping myself wonderfully busy. With everything going so well I have to count my blessings because I'm fabulously happy. But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for a night with no homework and no plans to bum me out. It irks me that my brain can't just be happy for a little bit and not want to ruin the happy. Oh well, maybe if I keep myself busy enough I won't have time to second guess where I'm at.