Summers are supposed to be absolutely great. The sun is warm, there are beaches to go to, friends are home, and there's no school. And every year I approach the summer like a person who's been stranded approaches water. Extrememly excited, but slightly hesitant. I mean, what if it's just a mirage? Then I wasted that effort and have nothing to show for it. But it's really there, and it's exciting. But about a week into my summer vacations I always realize the same thing. I don't have many friends who are willing to spend time with me in Phoenix anymore, my brother has better things to do then hang out with his little sister, work doesn't give me enough hours, and I'm so incredibly lonely I swear I can taste it. I think that's why, year after year, I keep secretly hoping for that summer romance to come along and give some spice to my boring, lonely life. That's the stand-by way of thinking. "If I had someone else in my life, then everything would be perfect." I'm comig to the realization that that ideal is bullsh*t. I mean, another person always complicates things, because now it's not just my life, it's how do our lives work together.
Through some great advice from a friend of mine, I've given some further inspection to my "relationship" with the guy in my last update. I'll admit that I started the whole thing up because I had been burned by another guy and I wanted to feel worthwhile in the dating scene. But now that I've gotten to know him all over again, the fact that we're keeping things really casual is getting difficult for me. I do truly care about him, and I want to know that he cares about me. I'd like to be with him, but I feel like there's no chance of him wanting to be serious so I'm trying to keep my distance. But it's getting more and more difficult. I don't feel like you should kiss someone on the top of the head or call them things like 'sugar' and 'babe' if it's just for fun, right? So whether or not he's trying to, I'm getting crazy mixed signals. At this point, I know what I want, so it's up to him to figure out what he wants. Don't hold your breath, but I'm sure I'll figure out what he wants from me soon enough.
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As I said before, confusion is never an ideal state.
ReplyDeleteAbove all else, talk to him, talk to him, talk to him. Like a magic trick, a scary shadow, or a great mystery novel, his brain might seem to be horribly incomprehensible but will actually turn out to be ridiculously simple once it's laid out. Maybe you two are just on different wavelengths--one of you thought "just for fun" meant "just friends" while the other thought it meant "lovers with boundaries". Maybe he's testing those boundaries and waiting for you to tell him to back off. Or maybe he just doesn't notice these signals he's sending and he really thinks he's keeping his distance. (Most guys think that hair and forehead kisses are in harmless and adorable territory, cutesy passion-free things that say "little sister" rather than "lover". The pet names are probably a bit much, though.)
I will say this: even if he truly was in it "just for fun", any girl telling him outright that she's been thinking about him will probably make him reconsider, if only for a few seconds.