It's been rough

Life lately has been less than pleasant. I've had a few people in my life die recently, including my life long neighbor who used to watch my brother and I when we had forgotten our house keys. She would give us snacks and play games with us. Unfortunately I had not visited her in quite a while when she died. And I'm not making friends in Phoenix quite like I hoped. I really have one friend in town. I had a group of guys that I was close with, mostly because I had been close with one of them since high school. However, he moved away in December, and I mostly lost touch with the group. But one by one, they tried to connect with me. We'd hang out, watch movies and mostly just spend time together. Then I'd find out that they mostly just wanted to get me into bed, and when they found out that was not going to happen they dropped me like I was on fire. I'm not sure why the universe feels like I deserve to be used by men because I only want friends right now, but I feel like I've had enough. I almost wish that I didn't love my job so much, because then I would just pack up and leave when my contract is up and never look back. Phoenix has never really held much for me, and since I went away to school, it has never been home. I miss the life I has just a short year ago. I miss the happiness I had, I miss everything I used to have.