Tuesday, October 9, 2012
My indecisive heart
I've been told, as many of you probably have, since I was a little girl to follow my heart because then I will always end up happy. But what are we to do when our heart can't decide? My heart is being quiet with it's desires and I can't quite tell what it wants. Some of the time it reminds me that Tye Dye is gone and that it wants him back because it's still madly in love with him. Other times it tells me that it would be nice to find someone to casually flirt with because it would make me feel wanted again. And sometimes it even tells me that this is what getting over a break up feels like and that I won't ever get back with the man I still love. I don't know where to turn, and I can't get a hold on my feelings. So why did no one ever tell us that sometimes our heart can't decide and so we need to give it time? I wish it would hurry up and decide because I hate to hurry up and wait.
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Hearts are almost living things in and of themselves, and when they take a huge hit as yours has, then they will need time to recover. I, for one, am just glad that your heart still wants things. Some hearts get hit so hard that they can't get the strength to want anything anymore, feel it's pointless to want anything else because one thing that really mattered went belly up. And so they go into coast mode, and the person gets into a rut, going no higher, maybe even sinking lower, and not caring enough to change it. (Story of my high school, actually.) Yours has only been shaken up. It wants to want things, but the big hit has left it unfocused.
ReplyDeleteThe heart is a muscular organ, so it will take some time to heal. It may even need some physical therapy to get used to being a working heart again, some new achievement to make it feel useful again. I'm not quite saying Go Get a Rebound, but I'm also not saying Don't. What I am saying is that sometimes a shaken heart needs to get used to wanting things again, and it wouldn't hurt to guide it by giving it a completely new goal out of the blue. It doesn't even have to be a Love thing. Learn the harmonica. Collect shot glasses. Memorize poems. Write a fan letter. Plan a vacation somewhere completely different. Build your vocabulary by using a new word every day. Just find a goal, and then go for it step by step. The heart will rebuild itself, and it will be back to aiming true in no time.
Also: I recommend reading 'The Missing Piece Meets the Big O' by Shel Silverstein. But then, I recommend everybody reads 'The Missing Piece Meets the Big O'.
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