My indecisive heart

I've been told, as many of you probably have, since I was a little girl to follow my heart because then I will always end up happy. But what are we to do when our heart can't decide? My heart is being quiet with it's desires and I can't quite tell what it wants. Some of the time it reminds me that Tye Dye is gone and that it wants him back because it's still madly in love with him. Other times it tells me that it would be nice to find someone to casually flirt with because it would make me feel wanted again. And sometimes it even tells me that this is what getting over a break up feels like and that I won't ever get back with the man I still love. I don't know where to turn, and I can't get a hold on my feelings. So why did no one ever tell us that sometimes our heart can't decide and so we need to give it time? I wish it would hurry up and decide because I hate to hurry up and wait.

I really don't know

I can't do this. Not too long ago I thought I didn't need Tye Dye.  I thought I'd be better off without him, and I just don't think that can be true. I don't think I'll ever love anyone else as much as I love him. I'm still so madly in love with him. I can't not talk to his mom. I can't not think about him all the time. I miss him snuggling me. I miss playing with his hair. I feel like I look like I have my life together, and in a way I do. I'm making good money. I have a job I absolutely love. I'm living out my dreams, but I feel empty inside. There is a giant space in my heart that nothing will fill. Not my friends, not my family, not my job. I can't handle feeling so empty without having any idea of how to fix it or how to even begin closing it up. I just want him back.