Too much to think about

I've had too much to think about lately. I can't stop thinking about Tye Dye and all I want to tell him. I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss texting him when I see an actor he would know in something else. I miss him being in my life. I miss being able to tell him about all the things that scare me. This point was really driven home today when my cousin reminded my that my great uncle has been dead for a whole year. I'm still afraid of him. I still hate him. It makes no sense, but even seeing someone who looks like him makes my skin crawl. No one really understood this until I met Tye Dye. And now I feel like I'm fighting this demon alone again. It seems so strange. I keep myself together at work, and I laugh and have a good time there. But as soon as I'm alone in my car I cry and can't keep myself together. I miss him so much my heart is still breaking. I just can't believe that he thought this would be better for me in the long run.