One thing, two totally different ways

I've had two deaths in my family within the last month. My aunt died in the last week of August, and my great uncle died last night. Her death filled me with so much sadness that my heart broke for her and her children. The pieces still don't fit together quite right. But my uncle, I feel no drop of sadness for his passing. Instead, I am sad for myself. I am sad that he was the subject of my last post. I am sad that he drastically changed my life. And I'm sad that I feel nothing left for a man who helped to raise me. My aunt was a good, sweet woman who did not deserve the brain cancer card that was dealt to her. She did not deserve to suffer for 18 while the people who loved her most watched her fade away from the woman she once was. And she did not deserve to only know her granddaughter for 3 years. My uncle deserved everything that he got. He burned family bridges and destroyed family dynamics. He fought with my parents. He let me suffer and the hands of my cousin. I hadn't spoken to him in almost 10 years. Grief is a funny thing. It can break people. It can make people stronger. It can make you cry. But it's the scariest when it doesn't make you sad at all, and it actually makes you relieved.